life is a journey

This is a poem I stole from my adopted mother's blog
http://www.encouragedinheart.org/....it hit close to home so I felt I would share it with all of you...enjoy

LIFE IS A JOURNEY

Birth is a beginning
and death a destination
And life is a journey:

From childhood to maturity
and youth to age;

From innocence to awareness
and ignorance to knowing;

From foolishness to desecration
and then perhaps to wisdom.

From weakness to strength or
from strength to weakness
and often back again;

From health to sickness
and we pray to health again.

From offense to forgiveness
from loneliness to love

from joy to gratitude
from pain to compassion

from grief to understanding
from fear to faith.

From defeat to defeat to defeat
until looking backwards or ahead

We see that victory lies not
at some high point along the way

but in having made the journey
step by step
a sacred pilgrimage.

Birth is a beginning
and death a destination

And life is a journey;

A sacred journey to life everlasting.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

The Power of Friendship

Webster's dicitonary defines Frienship like this,

"Friend´ship
n.1.
The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will."

In the short 24 years of my life I have had many "friends." Some friendships I have carried for a very long time, some I carried for a season. I was always taught that in life people come and go, things changes, friendships die and I have always wondered why. Why do friendships have to "die?" Now I understand that in every relationship we share with another person in life weather they be our friend or family member, there always comes times of strife and anger. If we all got along all the time it would make for a very boring life wouldn't you say?

But why is it in those moments of strife and anger a friendship is allowed to "die?" Isn't that the moment we should turn to each other, sit down and figure out the root of the argument and fix it together. Isn't that what friends do? Now I understand that I have made plenty of mistakes in my friendships and relationships, I am no where near perfect. I guess I've just never understood why some people can walk away from friendships so easily.

When you walk away from a good friend you take a piece of them with you. The moments that were turned into memories become treasures locked away and cherished within the walls of your hearts.

G. Randolf once said,

"truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget"

Do you believe that statement to be true? I know I do, I can remember friends from my childhood, people who may not remember me but are impossible for me to forget. I have friends today that I have known since junior high and even high school..Now wait a minuet, I realize high school was only 5 years ago in my world but take a moment to look back 5 years ago in your life. How many friends did you make then that you still carry today?

Another thing I have always wondered, why is it when we are young it is so much easier to trust a person with the most sacred parts of our hearts? Why is it we are so easily attached to people and then the older we become the more shut down our hearts become? Is it because we've learned that not everyone in life can be trusted? Or do you think it's defense mechanism we have created for ourselves over time so that we can see pain coming before it hits us?

One thing I do know is true friendship is sacred. It is special and these days very rare. I remember something my Uncle Wayne used to tell me before he died, He would always say

"Amber when you find something great in life hold onto it for dear life, fight for what is important to you and never give up"

Those are words I will carry for a lifetime because he was right. Great things and people are hard to find in life, true friendships that can withstand anything are rare, but when you find one you must hold onto it for dear life because once it's gone it may never come back.

So I encourage you today to sit back, look at the people in your life and decide why you call that person a friend. If they are important to you, tell them. If you are arguing with them, fight with all you have to fix it. Never give up on a person just because of a stupid fight, look deep within your heart and realize what that person means to you and why.

Thank you to all of the people in my life I call my friends. I am grateful for each and everyone of you.

until next time...love and peace

~Jason~

Coming out....again

This goes out to the people in my life that have always chosen to say they "Love me for me." I have a decision that has been weighting on my heart for a while now and it's time to make it known, so here it goes.....

I have recently decided to change my name for reasons of my own, my birth name as many of you know is Amber Lynn Gilliam...and my chosen name is Jason Lynn Gilliam. I have felt since I was a small child that I was created in the "wrong body." I have tried to explain it before, and tried to help people understand how I feel. I am done trying to explain it and done trying to "make" people understand. So at this point I am not asking you to understand, I am simply asking you to accept my decision, truly love me for me, or feel free to move on. I am comfortable being the person I was created to be and I am choosing to invite you to take part in my life or simply move on with your own.

I have forever been told by those closest to me that I am "loved for who I am" well to that I say, "if those words are truly from your heart then you will have no problem accepting my decision, and continuing to love me for me." I realize with this change many questions will come, mainly from my family and I am ok with that. Feel free to ask away. I also realize that with this decision I may lose a few friends and be "disowned" by some of my family. As much as that will hurt, I have come to the point that I am willing to accept that.

Please save yourself the waste of time and don't "preach" to me about this decision, because honestly it won't change my decision. Ask yourself and anyone that knows me, I have always been a person that makes my own decisions and is not afraid to stand up for myself. So honestly you will be "preaching" to the choir on this one. I know the effect that this decision may have on my life and I am ok with it.

So again I am expecting questions, so feel free to ask. Thank you ahead of time to those willing to support this decision I am making and good bye to those who can't.

until next time.....love and peace

~Jason~

Time to catch up with life

You know it's been a long time since I've sat down to write in this blog..I keep saying that I am going to make sure I blog at least once a week, and then "life" gets in the way and I always seem to forget. I think for a long time I have forgotten the power behind the words in this blog and the impact that it has on the people that it reaches. I have forgotten that sometimes life gets in the way and the most important things get left behind.


The last few months have been both up and down for me. Life has thrown quite a few "curve balls" my direction and I have been going through some changes within myself. Now I know it says in the bible that God won't take you to something that he can't get you through, but have you ever had that feeling or said to yourself "if something doesn't give soon I'm going to lose my mind?"


I can tell you from personal experience, lately I have felt that very same feeling. It's in those times that I am reminded that I must have faith and Patience. Just because the answer isn't always directly in front of my face doesn't mean it's not there. Sometimes you have to remember to be still and silent before you are ever going to find the answers to questions you may have.


So here is an update on me these days....I am still in good ol' Tucson,Arizona lol...It's slowly getting colder here which is nice but I'm dreading the winter. I hate being cold!! I am still working at the Detox facility, although there are many changes happening within the company and much of the future is uncertain at this point. All I can do is have hope everything will work out for the best.


I am still working with the Tucson Pride Board, October 8~9 we had our "pride weekend" events and they went off as perfectly as we could have hope. 365 days of hard work and planning went into watching several thousand people enter the park and enjoy a day to simply be free. On the security side we had a few issues here and there but nothing we couldn't handle. I am proud to say as a 11 man team the Tucson Pride Board pulled off an event for the record books =)..


I recently joined the Angels for Animals of Tucson rescue group and have been doing a good amount of work with them. I have an upcoming event that is still being planned to raise money for this group I am so passionate about. These people have been working hard since December of 2009 and in the last 10 months this group has saved over 100 dogs from neglect, abuse and even death. They truly are angels for these animals.


So as you can see life has been pretty crazy lately. That would be a good reason why I haven't had much time to write, but I won't use it as an excuse. I have found that writing is a good escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and if I can use my experiences to encourage the life of someone else then my blog and has served it's purpose and my day is complete. So please bare with me, give me some time to catch up and I promise you this blog will be back up and running the way it used to. I have so many stories to tell...


What are some things you guys might be interested in hearing about? Leave me a comment and let me know..you may just spark the subject for my next blog. =0)



Until next time....love and peace

~amber~

Matters of The Heart

I know I've been gone for a while and I apologize for that. Life has thrown many curve balls at me lately and in order to deal with them one at a time I have been slowly distancing myself from people, setting boundaries and really working on myself. It's always been a lot easier for me to help others before I remember to stop and help myself sometimes. I have always strived to be a person that would give the shirt off my back to anyone on the street without question. I tend to give 110% of myself when it comes to the ones I love and the lives that I strive to impact everyday. Lately I have been trying to more with helping myself first. I have been slowly learning to ask for help when I need it.

I have learned that when you need help in life you have to be willing to let go of one thing that holds many of us back everyday and that is our own pride. I will be the first to admit that I am a very hard headed person that refuses to take hand outs and sometimes refuses to take simple help from those that I know care about me most in this world. I have always been a person that has to "figure it out" on my own. I have always been the type of person that can be told something 1000 times by multiple people, and until I experience it for myself I don't listen. That tends to get me into trouble.

I have always been a person to say "if you need me I'm here for you", I am learning to say that very thing to myself. I am learning one small step at a time that sometimes it's ok to let people help me. It's ok to let go of my pride, humble myself and look to people for help. When I am stressed I tend to "distance" myself from everyone and everything and in doing that I am robbing myself of blessings that God sends my way in the form of "people"

I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, there is a lesson to learn from every experience we encounter in life. It's up to me to pay attention so that I can learn something, that will someday make me a better person.

I want to say thank you to every single person that has been here in this rough time in my life, you are blessings sent from God to help me along in this journey. You have each made an impact on my life and taught me something. There are a few that need special thanks

Nikki~ You are an amazing woman with a heart of gold. You wear your heart on your sleeve just like I do and you have the ability to impact the lives of many people. You have certainly impacted my life by being a friend here to simply listen when I need to talk. I cherish your friendship. You may not think you have much of an impact on people but I am here to tell you that, you have have made an impact on me.

Stephanie Fink~ You are a God sent angel. I have told you since I was a child that you are everything I have always wanted to be. I look up to you more than I could ever put into words. You are above anything my role model. I only pray that I can be half the woman God has created you to be. I believed for so long that I would never find you again. I didn't give up, spent hours searching the country and by the grace of God I found you again. You, Dave and the boys will forever hold a sacred place in my heart. You truly are my family sent from God.

Momma Carrie~ We may not always see eye to eye on things in life, but you never fail to amaze me with the amount of faith you carry every day. I have been reminded because of you that faith the size of a mustardseed can move mountains and change lives. We have been through many things over the years and yet I know, no matter what I have you to turn to for anything.

Gennie~ When I was at rock bottom with nothing left, you didn't allow me to be hard headed. You taught me and reminded me that sometimes it's ok to let your "guard" down and lean on the people that care about you most.I am truly blessed to call you my friend.

Jammie~ You are my older sister but above all my best friend. We understand each other in ways no one will ever be able to. We struggle, but we do it together. I couldn't ask for a better sister. We have spent our lives without Dad here to teach us some of those things only a father can teach his daughter, but together we have found strength in each other. No matter what, we will always have each other. I love you my sister, my best friend.

Christi&Jay~ We have been through so much through the years. The 3 of us have a bond that is unbreakable by anything or anyone. Christi you and I have spent many hours talking, bonding and understand each other. We bonded years ago and that bond continues to grow. I remember standing there on your wedding day watching the 2 of you start the next chapter of your lives together, and in that time I was forced to look back and remember all that you've been through and the amount of love you have for each other. Jay Pat, I couldn't ask for a better brother than you. We both know that no matter what we have each other to lean on when life gets rough. We have has some serious heart to heart talks over the years and I am here to tell you that I cherish every single one of them.

and to ALL of my friends new and old across the country, I say thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for being there to help me, even when sometimes I can be hard headed and guarded when it comes to accepting your advice, and help.

I am reminded that life is about the moments we turn into memories and about the dreams we hold deep within our hearts screaming to be free. Life is full of ups and downs, it isn't always easy. It wasn't created to be. We are all here for a purpose and the people in our lives are here for a reason.

I encourage you to look inside yourself, learn to humble yourself, let go of your pride and allow the people around you that care about you most to impact your life and teach you something. I encourage you to look to those people that you cherish the most and thank them, let them know what they mean to you because tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Make today count and remember to have faith. Even when you think you have reached rock bottom and there's nothing left. Look up to God for strength and understanding and then allow those people around you in your life to help you on this journey called life.


until next time....love and peace
~amber~

One Step at A Time

Hello all,

I am back online...I have been without cable and Internet for a short time now and while I thought I would go crazy I managed to survive =0)...Stay tuned for some posts coming up..although I was without the "cyber world" I was not unable to continue writing =0)..I will return soon


until next time....love and peace

~amber~

Dare To Dream BIG

I am inspired and encouraged as I write this blog tonight... A special friend reached out to me and reminded me that we all have a dream within us that we strive to accomplish each day. Have you ever had a dream that someone told you was to big? Have you ever wanted something so bad you would do anything to achieve it? I know I have....

So many times in life we work so hard to accomplish the dreams of our hearts. We spend countless hours stressing over the next step to make those dreams come true, but some people simply stop at the beginning because they are not sure where to start or because they fear they will never be good enough to accomplish anything great..

Harriet Tubman once said

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember you have within you the strength, patience,and the passion to reach for the the stars to change the world"

I have been reminded tonight that no dream is to big or small for any one of us to achieve if we want it bad enough..I was told as a child "you can do anything you set your mind to" and for many years I believed those to be just empty words another adult was telling me to make me "feel better" about myself, but I'm learning more and more each day that those words have power and truth to them.

The dreams we have inside of us are simply passions in our life screaming to become free. Those dreams were placed within each one of us for a reason. We all have the ability to reach the stars and make those dreams come true. We all have the ability to become something great, but it starts with believing in yourself.

There will always be that one "sandpaper" person standing in your way telling you that your dream is crazy or unreachable, but as long as you look inside yourself, focus on your goal and work to make that dream come true nothing in this world can stand in your way. Dreams are part of what make you "who you are." Like I said in my last post the only failure in life is the failure to try.

I will be the first to admit I have sat and thought of every excuse to put off my dream to become an EMT and a great medical professional. I don't have enough money, I don't have enough time, Will my medical conditions hold me back, Am I strong enough? Do any of those excuses sound familiar?

I realized tonight that the only thing holding me back from my dream of becoming an EMT is myself. I am the queen of procrastination, but the longer I procrastinate and the more I "give up" the further away my dream is always going to be. Only I can make the greatest dreams of my life come true. I know that I have a passion for life and the ability to become something great, now it's up to me to make that happen.

What holds you back? What excuses are you making for yourself that keep you from accomplishing your most desired dreams and goals in life? What are you willing to do to make those dreams a reality, will you set them free and become everything you were created to be?

I encourage you to look inside yourself as I have myself tonight and do the things you need to accomplish the burning desires and greatest dreams of you heart. I know that I am on a new mission to set my dreams free and become the person I was created to be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEZIpac803M stop by and check out this video..this song speaks to me in volumes!!

until next time...love and peace

~amber~